What He Left Behind
by Finchelislove
Summary: Rachel doesn't know how to feel anymore, besides hurt. Not to mention lost. Future!Finchel. Angst.
1. Chapter One

**A/N: Hey guys, this is different then my usual stuff. Be prepared for angst. **

**This is a collaborative effort with Kerry(bottomblainers). It's her story, I'm just writing it out! Please let us know what you think. Happy reading. Don't forget to review, my loves. **

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><p><strong>Chapter One.<strong>

Rachel did not, really _did not_ want to go to this audition. She wanted to lay in bed for another day, or five. But Kurt pushed her to do it, and she's grateful. She needed the money. She really needed the money.

_You don't have two incomes anymore, Rachel. _She reminded herself as she passed by a stopped cab and went to the subway. Rachel really hated the subway. She hated going on it alone. It was underground, it was cold, there were creeps. Enough said.

Rachel kept in her earbuds and played her audition song over and over. She knew it inside and out, but you couldn't be too careful. Did she mention she really needed this part? Because she did. Rachel sighed as she signed in.

"Miss Berry?" The receptionist asked and Rachel nodded solemnly. "You have about 10 minutes. You can wait in there." She pointed to a small side room where other woman about her age were all waiting as well. She noticed a younger red headed, wide eyed girl, about nineteen. The girls eyes shot up at Rachel gave her a soft grin and the girl gulped awkwardly.

"You're Rachel Berry." She whispered. Rachel nodded and tilted her head in confusion, "I absolutely loved you as Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz."

Rachel tried to let her eyes brighten with her grin, but she knew in her heart the smile on her face wasn't reaching her eyes. She had to work on that. She needed to get her acting skills back, and fast. "Thank you, that's very kind of you."

"You inspired me." She beamed and moved to the stop right next to her. "Wow, there is no way I can compete with you. What are you going out for? I'll go out for something else." Rachel could see the wheels spinning in the girls head.

"Don't let me scare you, sweetie." Rachel laughed a little at the girls enthusiasm, "You know, you remind me of a young me."

The girl threw her arms around Rachel's neck, "Thank you! That means to world to me!" She cried as she squeezed Rachel.

Rachel should have felt proud. Hell, two months ago she would have been crying with her. She would have made this girl who new best friend. But, today she just patted her back and feigned delight.

"Rachel Berry." The man from the door called and Rachel tore herself from the girls arms.

"It was very nice to meet you." Rachel told the girl and she nodded with tears in her eyes and a huge grin on her face.

"It was a dream, seriously." She told her and Rachel made her way into the room.

"Rachel!" The bald, obviously gay director beamed, "I'm so happy you're here. What are you singing for me?"

"Les Mis from the musical On My Own." Rachel said confidently, the director tilted his head and Rachel realized her mistake. "Oh! I'm sorry Ryan. I meant On My Own from the seminal classical Les Mis."

Ryan nodded and gave her a curt smile and she took a deep breath, closed her eyes and tried to forget all of her pain.

_On my own_

_Pretending he's beside me_

_All alone_

_I walk with him till morning_

_Without him_

_I feel his arms around me_

_And when I lose my way I close my eyes_

_And he has found me_

Rachel's voice was shakier than she was anticipating. She tried to fix it, but trying only made it worse. And remembering _why _she was so shaky was bringing tears to her eyes.

_In the rain the pavement shines like silver_

_All the lights are misty in the river_

_In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight_

_And all I see is him and me forever and forever_

_And I know it's only in my mind_

_That I'm talking to myself and not to him_

_And although I know that he is blind_

_Still I say, there's a way for us_

A flash came back to her of the night that she left and the tears spilled over her eyes and Ryan seemed more moved then irritated, so she pushed on.

_Rachel had a grin on her face from a great day at the farmers market. She couldn't wait to make Finn his favorite meal. She even decided that today would be a meat day for him. She normally only gave him one meat day a week, but after the mind blowing orgasm that she received that morning and how attentive he had been she decided her deserved it._

_Rachel walked in calling his name, "Finny Bear!" She teased him, she knew how he hated that. She laughed a little, "Finn, babe! I have a surprise for you." She called again as she set the groceries down and saw a note on Finn's stationary. He must be out, Rachel thought as she grabbed the note._

_**Rachel,**_

_**I left, I won't be coming back. You can keep the apartment. Please don't come looking for me. It will be easier that way.**_

_**Finn.**_

Rachel let the tears fall freely, because stopping them would hurt worse.

_I love him_

_But when the night is over_

_He is gone_

_The river's just a river_

_Without him_

_The world around me changes_

_The trees are bare and everywhere_

_The streets are full of strangers_

When she had first read that note, she thought it was a joke. Calling his phone and leaving message after message about how it wasn't funny. Saying things like 'Is it April fools or something?' at first and resorting to 'baby, please come home.'

Rachel kept singing, because that is all she could do, her voice getting stronger with emotion and Ryan's mouth dropped in shock.

_I love him_

_But every day I'm learning_

_All my life_

_I've only been pretending_

_Without me_

_His world will go on turning_

_A world that's full of happiness_

_That I have never known_

Rachel finally realized he wasn't coming home after a week of denial, chalking it up to her controlling nature and the fact that she only would cook with meat for him one day a week. That boy loved his meat. The last lines in the song were more cried then sang.

_I love him_

_I love him_

_I love him_

_But only on my own_

She choked out the last line and gulped looking at Ryan, waiting for him to tell her to leave. But instead, he walked towards her and tried to hug her. Rachel let out soft sobs and Ryan tried to hold her but she just said a soft 'Sorry' and ran out of the building, covering her mouth and feeling like her heart was in her stomach. When she got to the street she leaned over and vomited. Off of the curb. Her emotions were so strong it was making her physically sick. She needed Finn, she missed Finn. She needed him back. She couldn't live without him, that was absolutely clear now.


	2. Chapter Two

**A/N: Another big thank you to Kerry [bottomblainers(.)] for the outline and idea for this story. Not to mention being my beta as well. **

**Don't worry friends, we'll find out why Finn left eventually. He does kind of seem like a jerk for leaving her this way, but trust me babies... we all know and love Finn Hudson. He has a good reason... probably. ;) REVIEW! :D**

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><p><strong>Chapter Two<strong>

Rachel looked down at the clock from her spot on the sofa and tried not to sigh. She had twenty minutes until she had to leave and decided it was time to turn off the Food Network and clean herself up. She walked through her bedroom, past the bed that hadn't been slept in since the night before Finn left. She couldn't bring herself to sleep in _their_ bed without him. She truly missed everything about him, his smell, his smile. The way he would kiss her nose or his soft lips. She passed by the bed quickly to go to the closet, pulling out a sweater to change into and a skirt. Her style had improved over the years, but she was still exclusive to skirts.

As she pulled the skirt out something cold and hard fell on her foot. She leaned down to pick up the object, she stood back up slowly, holding the trinket in her hands. It was a silver cufflink. Finn's cufflink.

She remembered the day he was wearing his suit and she had to put them on for him, he looked like a lost little boy. He had no idea what he was doing.

"_Baby?" Finn called and Rachel turned the corner quickly to see Finn standing in front of the mirror holding up the object. "I don't get what these are. They look like buttons but… "_

_Rachel giggled at Finn's confusion and let her hand out in front of her so he could drop them in, "I'll do them for you. These are cufflinks."_

"_I don't get them." Finn said again with a sigh. "Do I have to wear them?"_

_Rachel laughed and nodded, "Of course you do. The best man can't be cufflink-less. How foolish would that look?" Rachel teased him as she fiddled with his sleeve. _

"_Oh right. Totally foolish." Finn chuckled back, looking down at his girlfriend. "This will be us one day you know?" He said it like it was a promise. _

"_Yeah right." Rachel laughed, "If you ever get the nerve to ask me." She teased. "I'm so happy for Kurt and Blaine."_

_Finn nodded, grinning down at her, "Me too. And I wasn't lying baby. That's going to be us." He told her again Rachel couldn't help but look up with tears in her eyes. _

"_I know it will. I trust you, Finn." _

Rachel was on the floor now, tears welling in her eyes. She dropped her sweater and held the cufflink to her chest. It was something so small, something insignificant. But it reminded her of her Finn. A guy who would never leave her.

Why did he leave her? It still didn't make sense.

She couldn't get up, she couldn't stand up at all. All she could do was sit there, he knees up to her chest, head buried in her knees. She was a mess. There was nothing hot about it.

Rachel let the tears flow freely and when her phone went off, she knew it was Kurt. She didn't even reach for it, she just listened to go off.

She wanted to punch Finn in the face for leaving her this way, with no explanation. After almost nine years. Nine years.

After what felt like an hour her tears dried up and her stomach was growling so she stumbled to the kitchen to pop some popcorn, because that was the only thing she could think of making. She shimmied out of her clothing and curled up on the couch in just one of Finn's old McKinley shirts that drowned her and underwear. Finn would have loved this, he always loved when she lounged around in less clothing. _Apparently not enough. _

She curled up on the couch with her popcorn and turned on the news, thinking about how there were people out there that had it harder than her. Her tears seemed all cried out, she had left the cufflink in the kitchen and never wanted to see it again, except she did. She wanted to remember, because it proved that it was real. Because with the way he left, it didn't seem real. It seemed crazy. She seemed crazy. Was the crazy?

_BANG! BANG!_

"RACHEL BERRY!" Kurt was screaming from the other side of her front door and she dropped her bowl out of shock. "YOU OPEN THIS DOOR!"

Rachel pulled her blanket up to her nose, as if to hide from him.

"Really Rachel? REALLY?"

Rachel sat completely still, she felt foolish. She was ashamed and then she remembered, as she heard the jingle of his keys. Finn had given Kurt a key. When they went to California on a vacation so Kurt could water the plants. The damn plants.

Dammit Finn!

Kurt walked in and walked straight to her place on the couch and glared down at her, hands on his hips, "This ends now." He scolds.

"What?" Rachel cried innocently.

"Your face is covered in mascara, you're eating popcorn for dinner, and I'm sorry you're hurting but I want Rachel Berry back."

Rachel gulped, feeling like she could burst into tears at any moment, "You can't have her. She's gone."

"And where did she go?" He raised his eyebrow in obvious judging.

"You find Finn and she'll come back." Rachel whimpered and put her head in her hands with utter desperation.

Kurt sat next to her, putting his arm around her, "You're Rachel fucking Berry. You can bounce back from this. You can move on. I promise."

Rachel shook her head, "It's too hard, Kurt. I'm physically ill. I seriously can't do this without him."

Kurt took a deep breath and looked around the apartment, all of the black papers covering pictures on them, "You need out of this place." Kurt demanded. "You're sleeping on the couch, hell, this place still smells like him. You need out."

Rachel looked up at Kurt with tears brimming her eyes again, she didn't realize how hard she could cry, and for how long, "Where did he go, Kurt?"

Kurt's mouth went wide, he wanted to tell her, but he didn't know himself. She knew that, she knew it was the case. "He's an idiot." It's all he could say. It was true. It felt true, at least.

Rachel's phone rang from the other room and Kurt stood up to get it. Rachel turned up the TV and ignored Kurt's voice talking on her phone in the other room.

No one knew where he was, he had quit his job, he wasn't in Lima. He wasn't anywhere. She missed him, she was worried about him. And then she felt that familiar feeling in her gut. Twisting and turning. She ran to the bathroom and barely made it to the toilet before her popcorn made a reappearance. She held herself over the toilet and wretched and whimpered. She stood back up she looked at the ghost of her old self in the mirror. Tears in her eyes, mascara on her face and out of breath from the intensity of her illness.

"Rachel?" Kurt knocked on the door.

"One sec." Rachel called back, rinsing her mouth out with water and then with Listerine. She let out a breath and opened the door to see Kurt's smiling face holding up her phone. "What is up with you?"

"That way Ryan. You got the part." Kurt beamed and Rachel gulped back another urge to throw up, only one thing on her mind.

_How?_


	3. Chapter Three

**A/N: Hey guys, I hope you're liking the story. Again, not my usual but really nice to write. Not to mention hard as hell. Another chapter is up for you thanks to Kerry(bottomblainers). Such a fabulous person to work with! I'm super grateful for her brilliant idea and outline. **

**Review, please!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Three<strong>

Rachel breathes as she walks into rehearsal, it's going to be their first read through. She's excited to meet people who didn't know Finn. Kurt was right, she was so unhealthy. Maybe this would be the start of something new.

Not to mention there was a secret part of her that wanted Finn to see her name in lights again, regret leaving and come back. She would let him beg for a bit and then lock him in their bedroom and never let him leave again. But, just a small part.

Kurt didn't need to know about those thoughts, either.

Rachel began to stretch looking down at her sweats, she knew there wouldn't be as much dancing in this play as her others, but she was happy. Or something that resembled happy.

She was cast as Kim in Miss Saigon. The female lead, she knew how to play the agony of a woman who feels abandoned, because she herself feels abandon. Should be a walk in the park.

"It's my Kim, my beautiful Kim." Ryan called from behind her and she spinned around, and he pulled her into an embrace.

"It's good to see you Ry. I'm sor-" Ryan shushed her quickly.

"Oh stop. You were the perfect Kim. Don't ever apologize for being dramatic."

Rachel curled up her lip at his words, she had been called dramatic before but this was not her average melodrama. Her boyfriend of nine years had left her without so much as a kiss goodbye. But, Rachel calmed herself down. Ryan did not know that, did he? And she wouldn't be telling him. She was here to work. Here to play the role that she would fit perfectly in. She was here to…

_Throw up?_

Rachel ran to the closest garbage can and Ryan's eyes went wide with distaste. Rachel seized over the can and spit and felt hot tears pour over her lids and she knew that something else was wrong. She stood up and wiped her mouth before turning to look at Ryan.

"You're not drunk, are you?" Ryan asked with a disgusted, judgmental look in his eyes.

"O-Of course not. I just, I have a bug or something." Rachel stammered and Ryan shook his head.

"Your understudy will read for you. Go to the doctor, Rachel. I'm telling you. Now."

Rachel nodded and slowly turned around, grabbing her stuff. She closed her eyes as she walked out of the studio, pushing her back against the brick wall. Breathing in and out, slowly, trying to suppress the memory that had been trying to make its' way into her head for days.

"_What has gotten into you?" Rachel cried, laughter in her sing-songy voice as Finn pulled her onto the bed and into his lap. _

"_I just want to be with you tonight. No TV, no talking about Kurt and Blaine. Just you and me tonight." Finn growled into her ear and nipped at it. _

_Rachel turned her face to his and he left soft kisses all over her face, she giggled, "Did you have a good day?" Rachel teased, he must have if this is what had become of him. _

"_I don't want to talk about my day. I want to be with you. Right now. That's it." Finn pleaded and Rachel's eyes met his. _

_It wasn't a tall order and Rachel nodded, "Okay." She said softly, "I can do that."_

"_Good." Finn grinned, "I want you to know something. Actually a lot of somethings." Finn told her softly and he placed her on the bed next to him, lifting up her shirt to draw circles on her stomach as he spoke, she took the opportunity to kiss his prominent jaw line, mostly because it was just pleading to be kissed. "Like, how you're the only person who really knows me."_

"_Am I?" Rachel teased, "I need examples, I just don't believe you."_

"_Like, you know when I'm hungry or when I'm just eating because I'm bored. And you know that I only watch football on Sundays because I always have, but I kind of actually love Hockey. And you always know what song to sing to me to put me in the right mood." Finn explained and Rachel couldn't help but feel butterflies. _

"_Like, tonight I'm going to sing 'My Man' and you're going to love it." Rachel told him, "Cause you are. Always will be." She promised and he nodded, a flash of pain in his features coming and going just as quickly. "Was I wrong?"_

"_No. You were so right. I really want you to sing that to me before we go to sleep. Like, that'll be perfect. Seriously." Finn told her, "Also, you know you're really beautiful right? Seriously, never change a thing about you."_

_Rachel nodded, "Scouts Honor." She said with a chuckle and Finn's face turned serious. "Okay, I promise."_

"_And one more thing, you know I love you more than anything and I would do __**anything **__and __**everything **__to protect you, right?" Finn asked with a gulp and Rachel nodded so slowly that she knew it would be hard to tell she was nodding. But, it was Finn. He knew. _

"_What's wrong, sweetie?" Rachel asked, running her hands through his hair. _

"_Nothing, baby. I just want you to know you're really special." Finn said and then laughed a little, obviously recalling a memory. He put on his best Rachel Berry face and voice and followed it up with, "Wanna know how I know? I'm special too."_

"_It was talented." Rachel giggled, "You're talented, and I'm talented too."_

"_We're also both special." Finn amended and Rachel couldn't help but agree. _

That was the same night that Finn went down on her for what seemed like ages and then made love to her all night long. That was the night that she never thought she could feel more in love with that man. That was also the last night she would see his face, though she didn't know it then. She wouldn't have slept at all. Not even those two hours. What a waste. She could have been looking at him, making him feel good, making more love to him. Though 3 times was her natural limit, she could have squeezed another in, maybe. If she knew.

Rachel felt the vomit traveling up her throat again and she leaned over and let it pour of her mouth onto the sidewalk. Ryan would flip when he saw it.

Suddenly the realization set it. She needed to get to a Duane Reid right then.

She rushed in and didn't even pay for the pack before rushing off to the bathroom, she pulled out the stick and looked at the instructions. She had never actually taken a home pregnancy test. She was always so good about taking her pills and her period was always right on. With her being late she just assumed it was the stress.

After peeing on the stick and setting it on the counter as she watched her hands she prayed for only one pink line. Only one, please only one.

She looked up from her hands to the stick, "Fuck!" She cried suddenly as she saw the two pink lines daunting her. She pushed it off the counter and stood against the stall, sliding down to the floor.

She was pregnant. With Finn Hudson's child.

This is something she has dreamed about for what? Ten years? Maybe Eleven if she was honest with herself. She had always wanted to have his children. Always. But she wanted them _with _him.

She gulped and tried to cry but the tears had finally dried up.

"God damn you Finn." She cursed him as she stood up slowly. "God fucking dammit!" Rachel screamed and punched the paper towel dispenser.

This was not Rachel Berry. This was the shell of Rachel Berry. The bloodied hand and the terrible words that were coming out of her mouth showed her that the shell of Rachel Berry was a terrible person, and certainly not someone who should be taking care of a baby.

Her baby.

_Their baby._


	4. Chapter Four

**A/N: Of course, this is a collaboration with Kerry (bottomblainers). **

**Also, Thanks for the comments. He****re is a little more insight to how Rachel and Finn were _before. _Also, we're getting to a point where she's getting past the hurt and denial and moving on to new stages. You WILL find out why Finn left. I know a lot of people are wondering. Think of it as a mystery book. ;)**

**I love you and your reviews. They are very appreciated. **

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><p><strong>Chapter Four<strong>

"Hey Berry Pie." Kurt answered the phone with a smile in his voice.

"Hey Kurt." Rachel said, trying to sound happy, trying to sound like she hadn't spent the last two hours screaming at a picture of Finn.

"How was your first day of rehearsal?" Kurt asked with excitement in his tone.

"About that, I'm not sure that will work out."

"Oh, nonsense. You'll be the perfect Kim, and you know it in your heart." Kurt cut her off and her heart sink, "Oh yeah, Blaine that is a really cute scarf." Rachel heard Kurt say a little muffled, "No, I like the bow ties you have. Do you really need one in every color?"

"Kurt!" Rachel shouted.

"Sorry, Rach. We're at Nordstrom. You should meet us." Kurt requested.

Rachel shook her head sadly, "Sorry Kurt, I'm really worn out."

Kurt made a squealing sound, "Sweetie if you don't get that, I'll be so upset." He barked, "Okay, Rachel. I'll see you later. I'm so happy you're back to work. I think that will help." Kurt told her and Rachel just didn't have the heart to tell him. At least not yet.

She couldn't have this baby, she thought as she hung up the phone. She couldn't. She had always been pro choice. A woman deserves to decide what happens to her body, right?

Rachel touched her stomach and closed her eyes, she knew she couldn't take care of him or her without a job. She didn't have a job, well, she did. But, Ryan wasn't going to be all about her being pregnant on stage. It was too much work, too much everything.

She should think about it, abortion. She needed to really think about it.

But, every time the word came into her mind her stomach wretched and her hands became fist. She knew in her heart she couldn't go through with it. She had never hated herself more than right at this moment.

She sighed and sat down in front of the TV and the couch wasn't good enough anymore. "I'm done." Rachel decided suddenly, getting up and going to her room. She pulled back the covers and threw on another one of Finn's shirts, his long sleeve thermal and crawled into their bed. She was surrounded by his scent and that made her feel better.

_Protect her. _That's what he had said the night before he left. Protect her?

What should she do now? Without him? What would he want her to do? Give the baby up? Maybe Kurt and Blaine would want him or her. It's no secret that this child would be bursting with talent. That brought the lightest smile to Rachel's face.

The baby would probably have amazing bone structure too.

Rachel shook her head, it was all too much. Much too much.

Rachel closed her eyes and pulled the blanket up to her nose and let herself drift to sleep in the memory of Finn. Thinking of him, letting her memories comfort her, rather than pull her apart. She couldn't do it anymore.

"_Rach?" Finn called from the bed, "Could you stop pacing?"_

"_What if I don't get it?" Rachel sputtered out and Finn laughed. _

"_You're going to get it. Come to bed." Finn pleaded._

"_No." Rachel frowned. "I have to wait for the call."_

_Finn sat up and pulled off his shirt, "Well, I'm horny. So if you don't mind…" Finn trailed off with a wicked grin on his face and Rachel turned to him, laughing. "What?"_

"_What do you think you're doing?"_

"_I'm going to take care of myself since you won't let me take care of you, and therefore me." Finn told her with his eyebrow raised. _

"_How is sex going to help?" Rachel asked, getting on the bed with her knees under her. _

_Finn chuckled, "Well, it will stop you from freaking out. It, like, calms you." Finn explained and reached out for her. "Come on, Rach. It's been a long week for all of us, and it's a new bed…" Finn waggled his eye brows at her and she couldn't help but giggle. _

"_Okay, if we must." Rachel teased and pulled off her shirt so their tops would both be bare and he pulled her in his arms. _

"_I've missed you this week." He whispers against her neck and she ran her hands through his hair and moaned as he kissed her. _

"_I missed you too, Finn." Rachel whispered. _

"_And, I love you." Finn told her and she grinned, feeling her heart flutter. _

"_Well, then, show me." Rachel grinned and he turned them around so he was on top of her, she pulled off her underwear and short in one motion as he fought with his jeans, Rachel kicked them off of him and he hovered over her, watching her movement and admiring her. _

"_You are breathtaking."_

"_Even after six years?" Rachel asked, her voice serious as ever. _

_Finn nodded, "Without question." He said sincerely his lips then on hers. His tongue took it's time to ask for entrance, but once it did she granted it immediately._

_His hands traveled her body, rubbing her nipples and then moving down to her firm ass and gripping her tightly. Rachel clawed at his back and arms, pulling him closer, thrusting her hips towards him. Feeling the need to have him inside her, the feeling that she gets so often. Six years with him and she still can't get enough of him. _

_Finn grazed his tip along her entrance and Rachel exhaled softly, "Finn…" She moaned and Finn grinned against her skin. _

"_Yes baby?"_

"_I need you."_

"_I'm right here." Finn teased rubbing his nose against hers. _

_Rachel whimpered, "You know what I mean."_

_Finn continued to tease her with his tip, "I don't know what you're saying, Rach."_

_Rachel panted and ran her nails down his back softly, "Please Finn, why are you being so mean?"_

"_I just want to say it, baby. It's so hot." Finn growled and Rachel grinned back. _

_Rachel reached her mouth up to his ear and whispered lightly, "I want you inside of me."_

_Finn plunged inside her with her words and Rachel's head fell back in passion. "Oh damn, Rach. You're so wet." Finn grunted and swiftly moved his hips forward and backwards as Rachel met his trusts. "I love fucking you."_

"_I love when you fuck me too, baby." Rachel breathed back, biting the inside of her lip._

_Finn smiled and let his lip crash onto Rachel's and she tugged on his hair, sweat forming on her naked body, but she didn't care. She was with him. He didn't seem to mind either. Her best nights were spent this way. She loved every second of it. _

Rachel woke up the next morning, actually feeling rested. Dreaming about Finn was delusional, ridiculous, off the wall crazy, but she had to. She had to remember, because if she didn't she would lose him. And if she lost him, she'd lose herself. She knew it. She hated it, but she knew it.

She found herself reaching for him and started to cry when all she felt were blankets, she put her hand on her stomach and caressed it to soothe it. This is the longest she had gone without morning sickness.

_Stress causes morning sickness. _She had read that once. And if Finn could relieve that, his memory anyway, she would keep it around. She dried her tears and snuggled his favorite pillow, letting herself fall into another blissful sleep.

She needed it. She knew the baby needed it too, and now she had to take care of not only herself, but this kid too.


	5. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five.**

Rachel looked in the mirror, holding her belly. She had started to show, already. It had only been three months since Finn had been gone. She had figured out that they conceived the baby that last night they were together, because she had stopped taking her birth control the next day out of completely stress and worry.

Rachel breathed out, "This won't do." She sighed and got out a sundress. She learned this tactic from Quinn sophomore year. She spinned around and decided Kurt and Blaine wouldn't be able to notice.

Over the last month she had tried to tell them, Ryan too, but everyone seemed so happy with her and her sudden recovery and the pay checks weren't hurting at all. Not to mention the medical insurance. But, she knew she couldn't stay playing Kim. She had worked really closely with her understudy to be sure she was ready when the time came. Rachel was pleased to announce that she believed she was and she knew she needed to talk to Ryan. Not until getting a job first.

Rachel had interviewed with Finn's former employeer. Dan, his old boss, loved them both and seemed to be happy to hire her, but she hadn't heard back. Not to mention that the health insurance had always been killer. Once Finn broke his leg after fooling around with Blaine at Central Park and they didn't have to pay a dime. It was awesome. She hoped he'd call soon, because she didn't want to start showing enough for Ryan to notice. And she couldn't keep wearing sweatshirts. It was almost June.

Rachel sighed out and called Kurt on her way out the door, "You're late." He answered.

"I know, Kurt. I know." Rachel groaned, "I had to change out of my smelly rehearsal clothes. I'll be there soon."

"Well, we're going to miss our reservations." Kurt growled. "We'll just order in. Pick up a bottle of wine?"

Rachel smiled and promised she would. If she was drinking, she would have picked up two. But, seeing as that wouldn't be a possibility she only grabbed one. When she walked in Kurt was sitting on the counter looking through a couple things while Blaine put their meals onto plates.

"Hey guys. I got wine."

"Only one bottle?" Kurt frowned.

"Well, I'm not drinking. I've got practice tomorrow." Rachel told him, showing off her excellent acting skills.

"I love your dress. It's very Quinn Fabray circa 2009." Kurt told her with a chuckle. "But, it's good. Suits you."

Rachel nodded softly, "Yeah, just trying a new look." She knew she couldn't keep the act up for long. "What you got there?" She grabbed one of the pamphlet's out of Kurt's hands before he could stop her.

Her heart almost sank when she saw it, "Why do you have this?" Rachel scolded him.

Blaine turned around swiftly, "Whoa, drama queen." He laughed, "We're looking into adoption. You know, since we can't conceive naturally. Unfortunately. Our genes would go perfectly together."

Kurt grinned, "I'd rather have an Anderson baby." He smiled back.

"You're sweet, Kurty." Blaine grinned and kissed Kurt quickly.

Rachel gulped, "You want a baby?" Rachel whispered, tears forming in her eyes.

"Of course we do. We think we've waited long enough." Blaine told her, "You okay, Rach. You look a little green."

Rachel looked away to let her face clear before turning back with a beaming grin, "That will be great."

"What attributes are you looking for in your baby?" Rachel asked as they set down at the table and Blaine set plates down in from of them.

"I don't know if we get to choose." Kurt chuckled.

Blaine shook his head, "We most certainly do, to a point at least."

"Yeah, you interview the Moms and stuff." Rachel said as she picked at her food. "And you can ask any questions about the Dad too."

Kurt nodded, "Well this is exciting. It's like you can pick your kid."

"That's the idea." Blaine laughed.

"How do you think my Dads got me?" Rachel beamed for a moment before feeling that familiar loneliness in her twinged. She gluped back the feeling, "I'm really thirsty." She told them and Blaine got up and pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge.

"Thanks." Rachel smiled and gulped down the water greedily.

"You Dads picked your Mom because of her talent, right?" Kurt smiled. "We should have the Moms sing, our baby needs to have a good singing voice."

"That's a given." Blaine laughed, "I wonder if they'll let us do that."

Rachel slammed down her fork down quickly, "You guys?"

"You okay, Berry Pie?" Kurt grabbed her hand.

"I have something to tell you." Rachel gulped again, feeling awkward and looked down at her hand in Kurt's. "I'm pregnant."

Kurt's hand dropped hers as Blaine gasped, "Oh man."

"No." Kurt stood up, "No. No. No." He started to pace. "It's, what? No. Finn's? What? When?"

Blaine grabbed Kurt's arm to stop him, "Get a hold of yourself."

Rachel breathed out a shaky breath, "You guys, it's okay. I've come to terms with it." Then she thought for a moment about Blaine's comments as he slowly sat down, "And of course it's Finn's. Who else would it be?"

"First of all – How long have you known?" Kurt asked pointedly.

"About a month."

"Okay." Kurt scrunched up his face in frustration, "Secondly, we just thought you were happy for a reason, and Blaine ran into Sam last week so we kind of thought you guys were-"

"No!" Rachel yelled. "First of all, I haven't seen Sam since high school. Second of all, no. Of course I didn't just start sleeping with some other dude."

"Well, you just seemed to move on suddenly and I thought maybe..."

"No!" Rachel sighed and put her hands up, "Listen, I haven't moved on. I just have to take care of the baby. So, I've just been… doing my best."

Kurt nodded and grabbed Rachel's hand in both of his, "Rachel, I am so sorry."

"Are you going to put her up for adoption?" Blaine asked suddenly.

Rachel took a deep breath and felt the tears well up inside her, "I was thinking about it, and I want to. It just-"

"It's hard for you because of Shelby." Kurt answered, nodding.

"Listen, if you guys are already thinking about adoption…" Rachel trailed off, tears falling down her face.

Blaine scooted towards her, grabbing her other hand, "No, Rachel. No. We won't take your baby."

"Although it would be ridiculously talented." Kurt noted.

"And have magnificent bone structure." Blaine added, "However, we couldn't do that to you. Raise your kid as our right in front of you."

Rachel nodded, still sobbing, "You're right. I know you're right."

"Plus," Kurt smiled, "Isn't it what you always wanted? A mini Finn Hudson?"

Rachel shook her head, her sobs uncontrollable, "Not like this. Not like this at all." She whimpered and fell into Blaine's arms.

Blaine ran his hands through her hair and whispered, "It's okay, Rachel. We'll figure this out together."

Rachel's phone rang and Kurt picked it up, "Rachel Berry's phone."

"She's busy at the moment, can I take a message?"

"Mmhmm. Yeah, Uh-huh."

"Sure thing. Thank you so much."

Kurt beamed at Rachel, "That was Dan calling to say you got the job. What part is this, my dear?"

Rachel sat up and wiped her eyes, "It's not a part. It's a job. I'm going to be a receptionist for Finn's old boss. Insurance stuff, you know?"

"You're quitting the play?" Kurt gasped.

Rachel nodded, "I have to, Kurt. I can't be on stage with a belly."

She stood up and pushed the dress down to her belly to show her belly, "See?"

"Damn!" Kurt grinned, "That is the cutest little belly I've ever seen."

Blaine chuckled, "Oh, and your boobs look awesome."

Rachel couldn't help but let a light smile graze her lips, "You guys are too good to me."

Kurt and Blaine walked towards her and took her in their arms, "We'll do this together, Rach." Blaine whispered.

"We promise." Kurt ran his fingers through her hair.

Rachel cried in their arms, thankful and grateful for them both.

She still couldn't get away from the ache in her heart, and she knew it was for Finn. She wanted him, she knew their baby wanted him.

_Finn, where the hell are you?_


	6. Chapter Six

**A/N: Ready for some answers, guys? Here is the mini-reveal.**

**Big thanks to Kerry[bottomblainers(.)tumblr(.)com] this is her brain child. She is amazing. **

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><p><strong>Chapter Six<strong>

"_Finn!" Rachel whisper-yelled, "Why are we here?" _

_Finn was pulling Rachel behind her in the dark through the yard of McKinley. They had been in town for the week of Christmas and this was their last day in town. Finn had convinced Rachel to sneak out of her Dads because he had a surprise. "Shh, Rach, trust me."_

_Finn turned around and gave her a smile that she couldn't resist. The last year and a half in New York had been a dream, being able to be around Finn all the time and hardly any fighting. Rachel still fell for that smile, though. She couldn't resist him, not now, not ever. "I do." She promised and he bent down to kiss her quickly before starting to walk swiftly again. Rachel jogged behind him, trying to keep up with his long strides. Once they got to the side entrance, Finn pulled out a key ring and unlocked the door, "Where did you get those?"_

"_Where do you think?" Finn smirked and looked back at her before winking and opened the door, holding it open for her to rush in. _

_Finn followed behind her, shutting to door securely behind him. "Why are we here, Finn?" Rachel asked nervously and Finn laughed a little. _

"_You are such a worrier." Finn noted. "Just come on."_

_Finn pulled her through the familiar halls and Rachel smiled at all the memories they had made there. Before she knew it they were in auditorium, on the stage on a blanket that Finn had set up. _

"_A late night picnic, Finn?" Rachel beamed. "This is so sweet."_

_Finn nodded, "Well, this place is special. We had our first kiss here. We sang here for the first time. We just have a lot of memories here. I wanted to come back here and… I don't know, remember. You know?"_

_Rachel giggled and threw her hands around his neck, "I love you."_

"_I love you." Finn answered back with a grin. "Want some juice?" Finn asked as she pulled back and she nodded as he poured her a glass. _

"_These cups are like the airplane cups." Rachel teased him and he nudged her lightly. _

"_Yeah, but now I've actually been in an airplane." Finn noted. _

"_Yes, a couple of times."_

"_Even joined the mile high club." Finn raised his eyebrow and Rachel laughed suddenly. _

"_I don't know that a hand job counts."_

_Finn frowned, "It doesn't? Well… shit." _

_Rachel laughed, "Maybe one day, baby." She promised, "And you're right you know? William McKinley High School has a huge place in my heart, in our lives."_

"_Who is William McKinley?" Finn asked as he took out some fruit from the picnic basket. _

_Rachel bit her lip with a giggle, "He was one of our nations presidents. He is from Ohio."_

_Finn nodded, "That's cool. It sounds really presidential." Finn thought for a moment, feeding Rachel grapes with a proud grin and Rachel giggled as he did so, "I like that name. William. We should have a kid, name him William and then he'll be president."_

"_A democrat too?" Rachel asked with a hope in her eyes. _

_Finn chuckled, "Mom and Burt won't be too happy, but yes, a democrat and a jew and the first jewish president of the United States."_

_Rachel beamed at Finn, "You're really perfect you know that?" She said getting on her knees to crawl over to kiss him, "William Hudson. He could totally be president." She told him, "Not to mention he'd be really handsome."_

_Finn laughed, "And really smart, and talented."_

Rachel woke with a start. William. That is what Finn wanted to name their first son. They had talked about it a couple times over the years.

Rachel looked down at her belly, she was seven and a half months and **miserable**. She had found out that she was in fact having a boy. She had met with a few couples about adoption but couldn't bring herself to commit. Not to mention that after that dream she knew what she would name him if she did decide to keep him.

Rachel looked at the clock and groaned.

5:34am.

It was just enough time that she shouldn't go back to sleep, but she didn't want to just sit awake for three hours either. She stood up and decided she would take a bath.

After he nice warm bath and taking her time to get ready, she called Kurt to meet her for "Breakfast at Tiffany's" before work, which he gladly agreed to. She was grateful for her best friend and him being an early riser.

Rachel waddled over to meet him and he greeted her with a bottle of water and a bagel in hand for her, "Thanks Kurt." She grinned and kissed his cheek, "I'm having such a hard time sleeping these days."

"Well maybe it's the basketball under your shirt." Kurt teased as he took a sip of his drink.

"Oh Kurt. You are just so clever." Rachel said sarcastically. "So, I think I know his name." She put her hand on her belly mindfully, "If I keep him."

Kurt raised his eyebrow, "Oh? And what's that?"

"William."

"After Mr. Schue?" Kurt asked pointedly, obviously not liking the idea.

"No!" Rachel laughed, "After William McKinley High. Finn always wanted to name our first kid William."

Kurt nodded and gulped, "Are you sure you wan-"

"Kurt." Rachel cut him off quickly, "I haven't decided, I'm still, I'm still thinking about it. Just, don't hassel me." She let out a big breath, "How's Carole? Has she heard anything?"

"Nothing." Kurt's expression softened, "This is hard on everyone, are you sure you don't want to tell her about the-" Kurt pointed to Rachel's belly. "you know."

Rachel shook her head, "Not yet." She whispered. "I just can't. I don't want her to feel any obligation."

"Well, it is her grandchild." Kurt told her honestly.

Rachel nodded, "I'm aware, Kurt. It's also my Dads and I haven't told them." Rachel glared back at Kurt, "Walk me to work?"

Kurt smiled a soft smile and brought his hand to her belly protectively, "Of course I will. Gotta take care of my little nephew." He teased her and she laughed as they began to walk.

The day was like any other, taking calls, sending emails and setting up meetings. Dan was in and out and didn't really bother Rachel very much. But he always took her out to lunch, which she really appreciated. He also never judged her for caving an eating meat occasionally. Kurt did not offer her the same kindness.

Rachel looked at the clock and realized she was running behind, things were getting harder now that she was bigger and she couldn't do nearly as much as she used to. She walked into Dan's office and knocked quietly and he waved her in.

"Dan, do you need me to do anything else here? I forgot to check the mail or ship off any of your orders so I'm heading to the post office now and probably won't come back." She stepped from side to side nervously.

"Nope, you're good to go Rachel." Dan grinned as she turned to walk away, "Oh hey, any word from Finn?"

Rachel smiled courteously and shook her head, "Nothing." She tried not to whimper and Dan frowned.

"He's an idiot Rachel." Dan told her, as he had many times before.

"So I've heard." She teased and turned away again, feeling the tears glistening in her eyes.

When Rachel got to the post office, she decided to ship the boxes off first before checking the mail, playing angry birds as she waited in line. "Miss Berry?" The lady at the counter said.

"Back again." Rachel laughed back, "Can you ship these for me?" She handed her the boxes and her credit card, "How is your day going, Rose?"

"Same old shit, Miss Berry. Same old shit." The lady told her truthfully, a light laugh in her voice.

"Me too, Rose." Rachel agreed with a roll of her eyes, grabbing her credit card back from her, "We'll see you tomorrow."

"We always do, don't we?"

Rachel unlocked the box with the key on her ring, grabbing her boss's mail. She normally did this earlier in the day, but she just hadn't had enough time. She dropped the stack suddenly when she saw the name on the first letter.

_**c/o Finn Hudson**_

She picked the mail up quickly, rushing out of the post office as fast as she could. How? Who?

Rachel decided she was going to open it. From the moment she saw it. Who was she kidding? She wasn't _that _good of a girl to _not_ open her ex boyfriends mail.

But she needed to be home. She had to be home. She couldn't do it here.

She rushed home, taking a cab instead of the subway and basically ran to her apartment, dropping her bag and her keys and taking the only letter from the stack she needed and sitting on the couch to keep from fainting, finally allowing herself to see where the letter was from.

_St. Marks Community Hospital_

The Hospital? St. Marks?

Where had she heard of that hospital before? St. Marks… St. Marks… and then it clicked. Like a light bulb. The worst light bulb ever.

_**St. Marks Cancer Institute.**_


	7. Chapter Seven

**A/N: Answers to a lot of your questions. I hope you like it. **

**BIG THANKS to Kerry (bottomblainers) for the idea and for being my beta.**

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><p><strong>Chapter Seven<strong>

After opening the letter, Rachel wanted to throw up.

It was a statement, a medical bill, from a cancer institute.

"_And one more thing, you know I love you more than anything and I would do __**anything**__and__**everything **__to protect you, right?"_

Rachel went over it again and again in her head. Protect her? Protect her from _what? _Her sick boyfriend, who she loves?

Dammit Finn.

Rachel was crumpling the paper in her hands, tears flowing down her face. She hated him, she hated him for leaving her. But she loved him, and she wanted him and she wanted to be there for him. She dropped the statement and ran into the bedroom, opening the bottom drawer of his dresser, taking out another shirt of his. One that somehow still smelled like him.

She needed him on her, around her. She needed to go see him, but knew in her heart she needed to calm down first.

She called Dan, leaving a cryptic message about needing a personal day. Rachel felt like… screaming, like running to him. But she needed to calm down, how could she calm down.

Before she knew it, she was hyperventilating, crying and she needed a bag. She needed to breathe into a bag, or something.

That's what people did on movies, on FRIENDS.

Rachel was on her knees, crying into her hands.

Finn, her Finn. He was sick. He had left her to protect her, telling her not to come for him. Spending one last night with her. He didn't leave her because he didn't love her. He left her because he did.

But, he was still an idiot.

Rachel fell asleep on the floor that night, clutching his shirt to her nose.

When she woke up in the morning she was disoriented and sore, she took a long hot bath to calm herself down, but nothing seemed to work. She tried yoga and singing to calm her nerves but she knew the only thing that would is seeing him. She had to find him, and now she could. She got ready as quickly as she could at the point, making sure to take time to find her best maternity outfit and actually do her hair, which she hadn't done in months. She also applied blush, which she also hadn't worn in months.

Rachel took a breath, a deep breathy sigh and looked at herself in the mirror.

Her boyfriend, her ex boyfriend, her … her Finn was sick. That was the only explanation. She _had _to see if for herself.

She made her trek to St. Marks having to take two subways and a cab to get there. Not to mention one guy on the subway tried hitting on her, must be some weird fetish.

Rachel finally made it to where she wanted to go, "Hello, I was looking for a…" Her pregnancy brain was kicking in and she couldn't think of the doctors name that was on the statement, she pulled out the bill quickly to look at it again, "A Dr. Jackson."

The nurse grinned at her, "He's with a patient, miss. You could wait in his office for him."

"Well, I just had a question about a patient of his actually."

"He can't give out information like that, Miss…"

"Berry. Rachel Berry."

The nurse gasped and looked as though she recognized her suddenly, Rachel was more than irritated. This isn't the time to talk about Broadway, "You're here?" She whispered and looked down at her folders, flipping through them, "For Finn Hudson?" She asked holding up what Rachel could only assume was his file.

Rachel's jaw dropped, "You know him?" She paused for a moment, "You know me?"

"He's here today getting a phase of his treatment, I can take you to him." The nurse was grinning from ear to ear. "So he finally called, huh?"

Rachel shook her head, "I'm sorry, I'm really confused. He didn't call me, I found this bill and…" She held up the bill to the nurse and the nurse grabbed it out of her hands, putting her hand to her chest.

"It's fate." She murmured under her breath. "Page Dr. Jackson." She told another nurse, "Tell him to meet us outside Mr. Hudson's room." She smiled at Rachel with tears in her eyes, "I think we have some talking to do, Rachel." She held out her hand, "I'm Carolynn. Finn's nurse."

"That is crazy, his Mom's name is Carole." Rachel told her and she nodded like she was well aware of that fact. This was all so surreal. "How did you know who I was?" Rachel asked as she followed the woman down the floor.

"Finn doesn't ever stop talking about you." Carolynn told Rachel with a gleam in her eye, "The boy has been through a lot, we've asked and pleaded that he call you, call anyone, but he wouldn't. He just wouldn't." Carolynn put up her hands in frustration, "Stubborn, that one." She pointed through a window to his room.

Finn was lying in the bed, hooked up to plenty of wires and plugs and Rachel felt hot tears make their way out of her eyes. She squeezed her eyes closed and prayed that he wasn't in pain. Finn's eyes were closed and he looked peaceful enough.

"The treatments take a lot out of him, he's sleeping right now." She told Rachel. "Come, sit."

Rachel didn't want to sit down with this woman. She wanted to run into the room and be with Finn, touch Finn, kiss Finn. Then probably hit Finn. A couple of times. But, Rachel followed her.

"What's wrong with him exactly?" She said as she attempted to sit down and Carolynn helped her a but, "Sorry, I don't move around like I used to."

"I can see that, I have a kind of personal question for you, though." Carolynn whispers, obviously looking at Rachel's stomach.

"Yes, it's his. No, he didn't know about it." Rachel told the woman as she read her mind.

Carolynn grinned, "Well, I'm glad you found him." Rachel was getting impatient now and the nurse could tell, so she began from the beginning, because is there a better place to start?

"Finn has been in and out of the hospital for about seven months. He has a brain tumor."

Rachel whimpers and wiped at her tears, "It's malignant, which means cancerous. It's in a difficult place to operate, so he opted out of the operation. We've been treating it with other forms, things like Chemo."

Rachel looked confused, "But, he still has his hair."

The nurse laughed, "Yes, he has lost a little, it the back, but he was one of the lucky ones. There is a small percentage of people who don't actually lose their hair during that treatment. He had been in remission for a while and I know he thought about contacting you a lot. He had me call you to make sure you were okay. And then hang up."

"That was you?"

"Yeah, he said if he'd call himself he would have broke down after hearing your voice." The woman told Rachel and Rachel wanted to just fall down into this strangers arms and weep.

"If it isn't Rachel freaking Berry?" Rachel turned to see a tall handsome blue eyed man in a doctors coat and she stood suddenly. "You, my dear, is all our boy talks about."

Rachel smiled, "You seemed to have taken a liking to him."

"Liking?" Dr. Jackson laughed, "We love him. He's like our kid. Seven months and going strong with such a progressive tumor. Not to mention he's as stubborn as rocks and won't let me cut into him for the life of him." The doctor looked down at Rachel and surveyed her stomach. "What are you? Seven Months? Eight? It's gotta be our boys, huh?"

Rachel nodded softly, "Well, maybe seeing you, both of you." The doctor touched her belly softly and she didn't feel violated, she felt like he knew her. Mostly because it seemed that he did, "Maybe we can convince Huddy to get the surgery after all."

The nurse stepped up and smiled at Rachel, "You see, it's said that he has about three months left, according to our time tables."

Rachel felt like she had been shot through the heart, she grabbed the doctors arm to steady herself and grabbed her chest is pure agony, "three months?" She whispered, tears falling once again.

The nurse started again,"Yes, I know that's short. And a lot to hear, but-"

"But, I'm a damn fine surgeon, and I think I can get in there and give him more time at the very least. I might be able to straight up give him all the time in the world." Dr. Jackson grabbed her hand, "Maybe seeing you is just the push he needs."

Rachel nodded softly, "Okay." Is all she could get out. "What are the risks? There has to be a reason he's not doing it already."

"He's waking up." Carolynn whispered and Rachel's eyes shot to his room where he was stirring. The nurse smiled at Rachel, "Why don't you bring this in for him." She gave her a glass of water with a straw, "He'll appreciate it."

Rachel nodded and took the glass and took a breath before walking into the room, where Finn was yawning, his eyes slowly starting to flutter open.

Rachel couldn't believe she was seeing him again. She also couldn't believe how she was seeing him. She walked as close as she could to the bed that her stomach would allow and handed him the water, his eyes drifted towards her and his hands found the water and he leaned up to take a sip before gasping.

"R-R-Ra" Finn couldn't form words, nothing was coming out. This wasn't the tumor was it? Rachel's eyebrows knitted together, "Rachel?" He finally said before sitting up abruptly, "I'm dreaming." He shouted and began pinching himself, "I'm dreaming." He said again looking at his surroundings trying to get a grasp on what was going on.

Rachel set the water down and took on of Finn's flailing hands, "Finn? Calm down." She instructed as coolly as she could, her voice still breaking. "It's me. Rachel. Finn?" His eyes met hers, "You. Are. Not. Dreaming."

"Then… how?"

"I work for Dan now, remember Dan?"

Finn nodded awkwardly, "Yes."

"One of your statements got mailed to Dan's P.O. Box. I found it. I found you." Rachel was full on crying now.

"Bu-but-"

"Finn Hudson." Rachel cried, dropping her hands, "How could you leave me?"

She backed away and Finn's eyes widened and landed on the elephant in the room, her stomach, he looked up to her eyes and back down to her stomach, "You met someone?" He asked with a cry in his voice.

Rachel gritted her teeth and smacked his arm as hard as he could, "OF COURSE NOT." She pointed to her stomach, "He's yours."

"He?" Finn's eyes were still wide, and a tear was making it's way over his eye lid.

"Yes he. William. You left me, Finn. You left me to 'protect' me. Didn't you?" Rachel mocked him a little as she yelled.

"Yes." Finn's eyes dropped and his voice was raspy.

"How could you?" She cried.

"I left because I didn't want to die on you. I thought if you thought I left you because I just wanted out, you would think of me as an asshole and you could move on, fallen in love again. Get married. Have kids. That way, I would have just been the asshole who left you, not the husband who died on you."

"Don't you see Finn, I would never have just moved on. You aren't the asshole you left me. You are my everything. You have always been my everything. MY Finn." Rachel breathed out, still angry, "Husband?" She asked suddenly.

Finn nodded softly, "Before I found out, I-I was going to ask you to marry me."

Rachel's tears were flowing more rapidly and she had to start to pace to keep control of herself, "Rachel?"

Rachel's head shot to meet his gaze, "I'm so sorry."

Rachel walked across the room, her hands on his either side of his face and her lips meeting his immediately. Rachel kissed him harshly, roughly and Finn kissed back, his hands going into her hair, pulling her as close as he could.

After a moment, Rachel came up for some much needed air and looked him in the eyes, "You don't get to choose this. We're in this together, you hear me?"

Finn nodded softly, "Okay."

"I would never leave you. We're doing this together." Rachel repeated.

"I don't want you to have to wait on me hand and foot, I'm not your Finn anymore." Finn frowned, "I'm weak. I can't do anything. I sleep 16 hours a day."

Rachel shook her head, "I don't care. You're mine." Rachel growled, "After you're done with your treatment, you are coming home with me. You understand."

Finn couldn't help but smile, even through the tears, "I am so sorry, Rach. I do love you. So so much."

Rachel nodded, "I know, you're just an idiot. An ignorant stupid guy who doesn't realize that he can't protect me from everything." Rachel raised an eyebrow at him and Finn nodded.

"I've missed you. You have no idea how much." Finn finally said after a moment of silence. He scooted over in the bed, beckoning for her to join him and she let a light, sad smile cross her face.

She got in the bed awkwardly and he helped her maneuver her way around him until he was on his side, laying his head on her chest and she was running her hands through his surprisingly now very thin hair, "I missed you too, Finn."

Rachel didn't know how to feel, but in this moment, she finally felt like she could breath.

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><p><strong>*sings* Reunited and it... hurts ALL OVER. There are a lot of emotions in this chapter. Please let us know what you think. .Love.<strong>


	8. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

Rachel unlocked the door to her apartment, no, their apartment and allowed a extremely tried Finn inside. He stumbled inside and set down his bag where Rachel had dropped her purse the night before.

Finn looked around the apartment, it looked the same _sort of. _All of the pictures were still on the wall, with black paper covering the pictures that he is in. Finn's face scrunched up in pain and he reached to take one of the papers off.

The picture he had uncovered was familiar, Rachel laughing in Finn's arms at one of their competitions, Regionals. What was that? Senior Year? No, she had bangs Senior Year. It was Sophomore year. A light smile crossed Finn's face and Rachel crossed his path, taking all of the black papers down. "Why don't you lie down, sweetheart?"

"Don't do that." Finn growled.

Rachel turned and looked almost hurt, "Do what?"

"Don't treat me like I'm a kid." Finn walked over the couch, "Don't call me sweetheart. My Mom calls me that."

Rachel gulped and pursed her lips together in frustration, "Finn, why are you acting like that?"

"I don't want you trying to take care of me." Finn shouted suddenly, "this is what I didn't want. I didn't want you treating me differently. I didn't want to me sick Finn needing Rachel to come to his God Damn rescue. Jesus!"

Rachel stomped over to him, "You don't want to be sick Finn? That's fine. Stand the fuck up."

"Rachel?"

"STAND UP!" Rachel again.

Finn groaned but stood up slowly leaning his hand on the back of the couch for balance, "Rach, I'm tired and-" Rachel slapping him in the stopped him from talking and he was sitting back down again from the shock and sting, grabbing his face.

"What the hell?" Finn yelled at her.

"You didn't want to be treated like you were sick, that is what you get for leaving me for seven months." Rachel breathed heavily, "That and this." She pointed at her stomach, "I stopped taking my birth control after you left, I'm assuming that is why this happened." She took another deep breath and sat next to him and he looked down at her, sweating from the walk to the apartment and more tired than ever, "I won't call you sweetheart or sweetie or anything like that. Not even dear. Promise."

Finn nodded and pulled her into him softly, "I'm sorry I yelled."

"I'm sorry I slapped you." Rachel whispered into his chest and it felt good to have her close to him again. He looked down at her small figure and her big belly pressing into him. He hesitantly lifted his hand to her stomach and began to rub it softly.

"Are you going to keep him?" Finn whispered, "Even when I'm-"

"Finn!" Rachel cut him off quickly, "We need to talk about that."

"Rach, I'm tired." Finn groaned.

"No sick Finn, I thought?" Rachel through his words back in his face and he frowned. Why'd she have to be so smart. Finn nodded for her to go on, "Okay, Let's talk about the surgery."

"I am not doing the surgery." Finn retorted immediately.

Rachel sat away from him and scooted away from him on the couch, "And why is that?"

Finn took deep breath and went over it in his head before speaking. Thinking before speaking wasn't something he was accustomed to. "Listen, Rachel. Did they tell you the risk?"

Rachel shook her head, "No, but I would like for you to tell me about it."

"Okay," Finn took another deep breath, "The chances of me surviving are less than the chances for me dying. Not to mention that if they take out the tumor they would be damaging a portion of my brain that I could never get back."

"What does that mean?" Rachel asked, grabbing his hand urging him to go on.

Finn met her eyes, "I would be disabled, partially. I would never be able learn anything more than I know now. Something about, unless it has an emotional connection I wouldn't be able to remember it."

Rachel nodded as if she understood, "What else?"

"What do you mean what else? I wouldn't be able to work. I couldn't take care of you or the baby. I couldn't do anything. I would just be… there." Finn argued.

Rachel held his grip tighter, he wanted to let go of her, but he liked the contact, he'd missed it so much. "Baby, I want you to get it. What if you survive, then we can have a life and William could meet you."

Finn shook his head, "No, Rachel. I don't want it. I just want to get as much as I can get out of my life and then pass on." Finn finally got the nerve to drop Rachel's hand, "This is why I didn't want you to know, you would try to get me to hold on, but Rachel. I'm tired of fighting. I am tired of being this guy. This weak son of a bitch who probably couldn't carry you two steps." He felt hot tears building up in his eyes, "Remember when I used to put you over my shoulder and carry you to the bed room, or fuck you against a wall? That guy? He's gone Rachel. This guy," he pointed to himself, "This guy can't walk down the street without feeling winded. He can't make love to his girlfriend the way he wants. Hell he can't even look at her without seeing pain in her eyes. That old guy, that strong guy, he left the girl he loves to protect her from seeing this guy."

Rachel was now sobbing at his words, crawling closer to him and he wouldn't look at her so she put her hand to his cheek and made him, "Look at me, Finn." She whispered, he still wouldn't. "Hey," Her voice was soft, inviting, "Look at me."

He couldn't resist anymore, his eyes met hers, "What?"

"I love you." She whispered, pointing at him, "This guy, that guy. He's the same guy, Finn. I love Finn Hudson. I don't care if you're sick."

"I do." Finn said quickly. "When are you going to get it? I'm pathetic."

Rachel took his face in her hands, "What if it were me? What if I was sick what would you do?"

"That's different."

"How?"

"You're a girl."

"And you're a sexist. It's not different. It's not different at all. If I were sick, what would you want me to do? Would you want me to fight?"

"It's different because I'm supposed to take care of you." Finn whispered, "I'm your man, I have always been the person who was supposed to take care of you. Stick up for you. _That's my job._"

Rachel smiled and met her lips to his, "It's my job too." She told him with her lips inches away from his before kissing him again. "Don't leave me again." She whispered and he nodded.

He hesitates before answering, "I won't."

"Promise me." Rachel cried.

Finn nodded his mouth going dry as he feels a pang in his heart, "I promise that I won't walk out on you again, Rach." He chooses his words carefully. "I don't think I could do it at this point anyway." Finn draped his hands around her waist and pulled her closer, "You know, seeing you again it's made me realize why it was so hard to leave in the first place. I love you so much, Rach."

Rachel grinned, "I love you too."

Finn yawned and pouted, "I really want to ravish you right now, but I think I need a nap first."

"You'd ravish me, even with this big ol' belly?" Rachel chuckled a little.

Finn put his hands on her stomach and leaned down to kiss it, "You're still hot as ever, babe."

"I missed you calling me babe." Rachel said jumping up and reaching her hand out for him. The two waddled into the bedroom and lied in their bed, memories attacking Finn's mind of the last night they were together.

Rachel's mouth attacked Finn's neck as they lay in bed together, Finn smiling down at the woman who loved him so unconditionally. It almost hurt.

The next couple weeks went by as close to perfectly as they could. Rachel took off Wednesday's so that she could accompany Finn to treatment, after treatment they would eat Chinese food and watch whatever movie Finn picked out. On Tuesdays and Thursdays Rachel would come home to Finn cooking dinner and he found out that she would eat meat as long as it wasn't too much all at once.

Rachel would get up on her tippy toes and kiss the back of his neck while he cooked and he'd look behind him at her and grin the way he used to at her and it reminded her of when everything was good and right and he wasn't sick and he hadn't left and for a minute she would just forget about it all.

Every night Rachel would spend her evenings riding Finn and they would moan and writhe and when he was inside her, it just felt right. It didn't feel like it was sick, it felt like he was good. Like he was fucking amazing. Like he was hers. And that was all he needed to feel well again, was to be hers, to be inside of her. He wished he could roll her over and do the things he used to, but he didn't have the energy. He wanted it, but he just couldn't have it. _Maybe if he had the surgery._

No. He didn't want it. He told her he didn't want it.

Over dinner that Thursday Rachel began to sweat, "Is this hot?" Rachel stuck her tongue out and fanned it.

Finn shook his head, "Not really, not hotter than normal." Finn tilted his head at her, "Are you okay, babe?"

"I feel a little weird." Rachel frowned and put her fork down, "Maybe I should go lie down." She scooted her chair out and look down at her legs.

"Finn!" Her voice was panicked. "Finn, my water just broke." She looked up at him and he gulped before a bright smile went across his pale face.

"I'm going to be a Dad?"

Rachel laughed, "Yeah, if you get me out of this apartment." Rachel chuckled and Finn grinned widely.

"That. That I can do."

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><p><strong>AN: Who is excited to meet William? Finchel baby!**

**Let us know what you're thinking.**


	9. Chapter Nine

**A/N: ****Sorry for the delay, I haven't been feeling that well. (I've got pain, effy we've all got pain.)**

**Another shout out to Kerry for the outline and helping me by being my beta. I really enjoy working with her and bringing her brain child to life. Thanks for everyone who's read this and reviewed or favorited it. It makes me so happy to hear what people think. **

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><p><strong>Chapter Nine<strong>

Finn scrunched up his face due to the pain Rachel was inflicting on his hand, "You're doing great, Rach." Finn breathed as Rachel squeezed harder.

"I am not doing great." Rachel glared at Finn for a moment, "I'm pushing a watermelon through my downstairs at the wrong hospital because you took me to yours."

Finn cringed, "Baby, I'm sorry." He reached to grab the damp rag by the bed and put it on her forehead, "Here."

She swatted his hand away, "Just stop." She growled.

Finn wasn't sure what to do, who was this enraged woman next to him.

"Okay Rachel, we are going to need you to push again. Just one more big push." The doctor requested and Rachel shook her head frantically.

"I can't. I'm not ready. We're not ready. He doesn't even have a bed." She looked at Finn, "I can't do this, Finn. I can't."

Finn put both of his hands on either side of Rachel's face, "You are Rachel fucking Berry. You can do this. I love you. You can do anything. Let's get this baby boy out of you so you can show the world that like almost everything else in your life you are fantastic at something else. Being a Mom." Finn whispered to her and a tear fell down her pained face and she nodded.

"Thank you, Finn." She murmured as he kisses away her tear. She turned to doctor, gulped, and nodded, "Okay."

And Rachel pushed, she squeezed Finn's hand so tightly, he was fairly sure it was broken and screamed louder then Finn had ever heard her scream. Which is impressive seeing as he has heard her scream pretty loudly.

"Do you wanna cut the cord, Dad?" The doctor asked him and the nurse handed him the scissors.

_Dad._

Finn nodded and did so quickly before they took their little buddle of joy away. Finn collapsed into the chair next to him and pulled it close to Rachel as they listened to their baby cry. Their eyes met and locked and both were crying, "You did it." Finn whispered, kissing her finger tips.

Rachel smiled lightly and nodded softly before running her free hand through Finn's hair, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Being here." Rachel told him with fear in her eyes, fear that she might have to do this alone. But she thanked him for being here for now, because she was grateful for that.

Finn and Rachel leaned their foreheads together and breathed raspy breaths as they waited for William to make his appearance. The nurse came over moments later grinning from ear to ear.

"Here we go, Mom. You've got a beautiful baby boy." She handed Rachel the baby, wrapped in blue with the cutest hat that Finn had ever seen.

Rachel took William in her arms and pulled him to her chest, "Happy Birthday." She whispered.

Finn let out a ragged breath as he looked at his son. _His _son. Rachel kissed the top of William's head and beamed over at Finn who's mouth was still ajar. "William," She whispered down to the little bundle in her arms, "This is your Daddy." She said softly and Finn's mouth went from agape to a wide tearful grin.

Finn put his forehead against Rachel's and they both let their tears flow freely, "You did it, Rach. I love you so much."

Rachel sniffled and nodded, "I love you." Rachel whispered back and then looked at little thing in her arms, "and you, I love you." She told him, "We both love you." Finn nodded in agreement. He did love that little guy. He loved him _so _much.

"You want to hold him, Daddy?" Rachel smiled and Finn couldn't speak. He just nodded softly and opened his arms for Rachel to hand him over.

Finn looked down at the soft, small, perfect baby boy in his arms. He studied his complexion and his nose, the curve of his eyes and lips, "He looks like you." Finn told Rachel and Rachel chuckled.

"No, not at all. He's your mini-me." Rachel told him with a huge grin, sitting up more in the bed.

They gawked at him for what seemed like hours before the nurses pried him from their arms to run tests.

"Kurt is going to kill me." Rachel yawned as Finn ran his hands through her sweaty hair.

"You've been avoiding him ever since you found me, huh?" Finn whispered while he kissed he cheek.

Rachel nodded, "I think it should be you to tell him and your Mom what is going on, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." Finn whispered. "I'll call him after William gets back."

"So you like that name?" Rachel grinned.

"I love it." Finn said sincerely, continuing to pepper her face with kisses.

Rachel bit her lip a little, "Well I was thinking, maybe it could be William Christopher Hudson. You know, like your middle name?" Rachel asked softly and Finn felt another set of tears trying to make its' way to the surface but he pushed them back and just nodded softly.

"Sounds perfect."

Once William came back Rachel tried her hand at nursing and Finn excused himself to the hallway to call his brother. He was going to die either way, might as well get it over with.

"_Hello?_"

"Kurt?"

"_Finn fucking Hudson. I swear to Jesus I am going to slit your throat when I see you. Where have you been? Have you contacted Rachel? God, she is such a mess she won't even answer her phone anymore. Did you know she's pregnant, Finn? Did you?_"

"Kurt." Finn yelled. "Slow down. Yes. I'm with Rachel now. She's not pregnant anymore though because she had William today. Just a couple hours ago."

"_Where are you? I'm coming there now. BLAINE!_"

"Kurt. Calm down, I have to tell you something first."

"_What could you possibly have to tell me that is more important than me seeing __**my **__nephew._"

"I have to tell you the reason I left."

"_Enlighten me._" Kurt snapped and Finn's hear sank.

And then Finn unleashed everything on Kurt, told him the whole story, how he left. Why he left. Finn broke down out in the hallway and he heard Kurt sniffling on the other end. He told him how Rachel found him, how he thinks it was fate that the bill got sent to his past employer. He cried and told him how he didn't know how much longer he had, how he was sick and weak and tired. Finn told Kurt about the surgery, and told him why he was so scared. That he didn't want to be a bain on Rachel's existence. And Kurt, of all people, didn't yell. He just told him he understood and that he'd see him soon.

"_Finn?_"

Finn sniffled before answering, "Yeah, Kurt?"

"_You're an idiot. But I love the hell out of you, okay?_"

Finn couldn't help but chuckle, "I love you too."

When Finn went back into the hospital room Rachel grinned from ear to ear and he reached for their son. He held him close and kissed Rachel's cheek before sitting down in the chair next to her. He was weak, he was tired, he was a mess. But, when he looked down at his baby boy he couldn't help but grin.

He was happy. This perfect thing was his. He looked up at Rachel as she yawned sleepily, "Get some rest." Finn urged. "Kurt will be here in an hour or so."

Rachel nodded and let her eyes fall shut.

He looked his baby boy, something he made unintentionally, but in this moment, he was so glad he had. William was perfect, the perfect mixture of he and Rachel.

Finn couldn't help but picture William all grown up, falling in love with a small furiously attractive diva from his high school and taking the world by storm with her. When he thought about that his heart dropped. He thought about thanksgivings with William and Rachel sitting at the table, alone. Eating that terrible tofurkey stuff that Rachel always makes.

Finn pictured his first day of school, and Rachel crying alone in the car as she watched her son walk into the school alone.

Finn shook his head and felt his chest start to fill with sobs, full on sobs. Tears streamed down his face and he couldn't calm himself. He looked down at the baby in his arms and realized there was one image that did calm him.

He pictured William leaving for prom with a pretty brunette and Rachel taking pictures as Finn leaned in the doorway rolling his eyes.

He pictured Thanksgiving at his Mom and Burts with their whole family around them, William carving the turkey.

He thought about Williams first words being Da-da and Rachel looking across the room to grin at Finn.

That was it, that was _it._

"I have to get the surgery." Finn whispered to the bundle in his arms, "For you, William. I have to be around for you, baby boy."

Rachel's eyes flew open and Finn could feel her staring at him, her face scrunched up. "You mean it?" She breathed out softly.

Finn nodded, "I mean it."

Rachel let out a slow small almost laugh and beckoned for her boys to come towards her, so Finn did.

She put her hands on Finn's face and pulled his lips down to hers, kissing her softly, "Finn Hudson, you are already the best father ever."

Finn smiled down at his beautiful girlfriend and gave her a slightly smug look, "I was thinking, before I get the surgery… How about you make me the best husband ever?"


	10. Chapter Ten

**A/N: A big thanks to Kerry (bottomblainers) for being my beta, the idea for this story and the outlines for each chapt****er. **

**Another note, someone asked where Rachel's Dads are. Was she not talking to them? She WAS talking to them, however she wasn't telling them her situation, probably pushing off visiting and things. They know now, of course and plan to visit at a later date. Probably after the surgery. **

**Reviews (like Finchel) are love.**

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><p><strong>Chapter Ten<strong>

Kurt was bouncing a sleeping William as Rachel and Finn signed their marriage certificate. Rachel grinned over at Finn and he kissed her cheek before signing his name as well.

"And are these your witnesses?" The judge pointed to Blaine and Kurt who both nodded. Rachel took William from Kurt so he could sign and they both did so.

Rachel was beaming at Finn the entire time, "Welp, that's it I believe. By the power vested in me by the state of New York I may now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride." The judge said off handly and Finn grabbed Rachel's face and kissed her softly. She giggled against his lips and he presses his forehead to hers.

"I love you."

"I love you."

Finn looks over at William who is sleeping in Rachel's arms and he leans down to kiss him, "and we both love you."

William stirs a little but stays asleep and Rachel is happy. Ridiculously happy.

The next week Rachel finds herself singing to William while Burt and Carole talk to Finn over coffee. She tries not to eavesdrop, but she can't really help it.

"Finn, I think you're doing the right thing sweetheart." Carole assures him softly. "I mean, yes, I'm still a little angry with you that you hid this all from us and Rachel, but I think the surgery is your best bet."

"I know it is, Mom."

"I'm just sorry you didn't feel comfortable talking with us about this before, son." Burt says in a husky tone and Rachel's heart aches.

"I know, I just, I didn't want everyone getting all weepy on me. You know?" Finn frowns and Carole sniffles.

"I'm sorry, you're just my baby." Carole admits, "I'll try to tone down the tears."

"Between you and Rach I should be swimming in them by now." Finn teases and Rachel decides to reenter the kitchen.

"Mrs. Hudson." Finn says as she walks in. He says it every time he sees her.

"Mr. Hudson." Rachel grins back. "Pour me some coffee?" She requests and Finn does so before making his way back to the table. She sits on his lap. She can't stand not being as close to him as possible all the time.

"Is our baby boy sleeping?" Finn asks sweetly.

"Like a baby." Rachel teases back and Carole sniffles again.

"God Carole." Burt groans.

She sniffles, "I'm just so happy you guys are back together, and married to boot." She says through her sobs.

"Aw, Carole." Rachel pats her shoulder, "Well we're a family."

"Yes we are." Finn tells her, "But we always were."

"And you don't leave your family." Burt scolds.

Finn gulps and aches inside at his words, "I'll try my best."

The mood becomes almost sullen and Rachel attempts to change the subject but Carole and Burt decide to make their way to the hotel.

After Rachel and Finn say their goodbyes, Finn lets out a sigh of what seems like relief and they make their way to bed. Finn looks exhausted and Rachel doesn't know how to fix it.

The surgery will fix it, or at least that is what she is telling herself.

The next morning, Rachel woke up to William crying and Finn missing. She tended to William first and decided to worry about Finn later.

She heard wretching from the bathroom. "Finn?" Rachel knocked on the door as she bounced William, "Are you sick."

"I'll be right out." Finn groaned and Rachel walked into William's room with William and changed him, fed him and changed him out of his PJs. When she was done, she put him in his bouncer and started on breakfast.

Finn finally stumbled out of the bathroom and made his way to the couch, face pale and bags under his eyes. "Baby?" Rachel whispered, concern filling her tone.

"I'm fine." Finn growled and flopped onto the couch. "Didn't get a lot of sleep is all." He reasons.

"Do you want breakfast?"

"That's honestly the last thing I want. I just need a minute." Finn tells her and she nods. She eats a bowl of cereal and tells Burt and Carole to hold off on coming for a while.

After noon Finn's color returns, but the bags stay intact and Rachel sits next to him stroking his back. He lays his head in her lap and whimpers and groans. Nothing will sit with him.

"Do you think it's nerves? About tomorrow?" Rachel whispers as she caresses his skin.

"No. I think it's the chemo." Finn tells her and yawns.

Rachel hears William muttering on the baby monitor and gets up to get him.

When she brings him back in, Finn lights up at seeing his face. "There's my boy." He whispers and reaches out for him.

Rachel loves when her man smiles like that. She hands William over and he rocks him and sings to him. Rachel grins at her boys. She wants more moments like this. She needs more moments like this.

Kurt, Blaine, Burt and Carole come over for dinner but Finn can't get off the couch. He's still not feeling good. They all eat quietly around the TV, watching CNN and Rachel hates it. But, it makes their problems seem smaller. So they keep watching it.

"Okay, baby. We're going to head out." Carole stands, tears glistening in her eyes.

Finn nods and Carole leans down to hug him, "I love you, Finny." She cries, "We'll see you tomorrow before the surgery."

Finn grins a weak grin, "See you. Love you, Mom."

"Bye son." Burt gives him a quick hug.

Kurt and Blaine sigh and decide to make their way out too. Blaine says goodbye to William while Kurt cries into Finn's shirt and Finn seems like he's comforting Kurt. "It's okay, bro. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you guys."

"We love you too." Kurt sniffles and waves to William, "Love you buddy." He whimpers before running off. Blaine hands William back to Rachel before chasing after him.

"Sorry for the theatrics." He grumbles as he rushes out.

Rachel giggles a sad, hollow laugh and looks at her sad weak husband, "I'm going to put William to bed."

"No." Finn gets up slowly, "Let me, Rach." Finn pleads and she nods. She passes their son to his father and kisses his cheek and then his lips softly. "I love you. I'll be in soon."

Rachel nods and makes her way into the bedroom.

Finn sits in the rocking chair by William's crib, he hums to him and William grabs at Finn's nose. Finn laughs, a real hearty laugh.

"I love you, buddy. You're my boy. My favorite little man." Finn whispers. "I'm not giving you my last words here, son. Because, I plan to have many more talks with you. But-" Finn lets out a shaky breath, "In case I can't, do me a favor. Take care of your Mama. She's my world, you know? I need you to take care of her. Because with me not around, she's not going to have someone protecting her. Not like I do, anyway. You've gotta do that for me. Okay, little man?" Finn whimpers the last part out before breaking into sobs, "Okay?" He whimpers more and William coos. "Okay. You got it. I love you." Finn cries.

Finn wipes his tears as he walks into the bedroom, pulling off his shirt as he sits on the bed. "You alright, Finn?" Rachel whispers.

Finn turns to her and gives her his half smile and nods, "I'm good." He reaches in his drawer and hands her something, "Got something for you."

"What's that?" Rachel sat up grabbing the envelope from him.

"It's my will. Everything goes to you, of course." Finn lays down, "I've got a pretty okay life insurance policy from my old employer, so I think you two will be okay for a year or two."

Rachel stifles and whimper and sets the paper down, "Thank you, for taking the measure." Rachel says as her lip quivers ever so gently, "I love you so much." She cries.

"I know, baby doll." Finn whispers back, running his hands through her hair. "I love you too. So much. So much. I don't want to be away from you, Rach. But if I have to be, I want to make sure you're as protected as you can be, you know?"

Rachel nods, unable to speak.

"I'm going to fight like hell, Rach. Like hell."

Rachel laughs through her tears, "You better, Finn Hudson."

"I love you, Rachel Hudson." Finn says and Rachel crashes her lips onto his. If this was his last night alive, he wouldn't want to spend it any other way. Then with her. Kissing her. Caressing her. Loving her.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**A/N: A couple things, this is not the last chapter. There is one more. **

**Two, this was the _most_ emotional chapter I've written. My heart still hurts. **

**Three, Thank you for all the reviewers, people who are reading and alerting. **

**Four, Kerry. You are a goddess. Thank you for doing this with you. **

**Read. Enjoy. Review.**

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><p><strong>Chapter Eleven<strong>

Finn took a breath and fiddled with his hands. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. The doctors spoke to him, to Rachel, to his Mom and Burt. The doctors spoke but Finn couldn't even listen. He thought he was going to throw up, even thought he hadn't eaten anything due to the surgery being scheduled.

He tuned back in just before his doctor walked out, "…get him prepped in about an hour." The doctor said before walking out.

Dr. Jackson gave him a soft grin before making his way out. Carolynn, his nurse walked over to him, felt the top of his head as if she was checking for a fever –There was no reason he should have a fever— and smiled sadly at him.

Finn hated feeling like everyone was looking at him like he was a fucking ghost. "Rach," Finn looked at Rachel who was whispering to Kurt, "Can I have a minute with my Mom?"

Rachel gave him her big, bold, Rachel Berry grin and kissed his forehead before taking William, Kurt and Blaine out of the room. Finn gave William a pinky wave as they walked out.

Carole was at his side in minutes and Burt seemed to be backing away, "No, stay." He said weakly.

Burt nodded and walked to the other side of him, "I just wanted to apologize."

Carole was bawling instantly, "Don't, son."

"No, it's necessary." Finn argued. "I love you both so much." His voice cracked and he cleared his throat, "Mom, if I don't make it through this-" His mom was whimpering and shaking her head, "Mom, come on. Stop that." She nodded a little and her whimpers turned into sniffles, "If the surgery goes bad, I need you to take care of Rachel. I'm not worried about you, Mom. I love you, and I will miss you if I'm not here, but I'm not worried about you. You have Burt and Kurt and I know I used to be jealous about that, but now, _now_ I am nothing but grateful, Mom. I swear. But, Rachel, you have to be there for her and William. Okay Mom? Promise me."

His Mom reached to hug him and he hugged her back, not letting his defenses crack, but feeling his heart crumbling under her weight. She pulled back and nodded, "Of course, Finn. It's not even a question."

"Burt," He choked out and grabbed at his hand and Burt nodded holding his hand tightly, "I love you, man. I know that sounds stupid." He had to clear his throat again, "But, I do. So, just know that. I couldn't have asked for a better step-dad. Hell, I probably couldn't ask for a better father. Because, that's what you are to me." Finn whispered the last part and ignored Carole crumbling beside him.

Burt gulped and wiped his brewing tears, "I love you too, Finn. You've turned out to be a great boy, a man. I'm proud to call you mine." Finn and Burt shared a quick embrace and Burt rushed out immediately after, not being able to look him in the eye, knowing he would break down.

"Go after him, Mom. Send Kurt in." Finn put up a half grin and she nodded, kissing both his cheeks and his forehead softly. When she turned to leave, she let her face break down.

Finn rubbed his face roughly, wiping away the tears, the emotion, the everything. "Finn?" It was Kurt. "I wish I had a glass of warm milk to give you." He half teased.

"Me too, and some cookies." Finn laughed. Kurt walked to his bed sitting on the edge of it, turned to face the wall.

"Well, this is it. Or it's not." Kurt said awkwardly.

Finn nodded, "Yep. You'll watch over my Mom and Rach, won't you?" Finn whispered. "William too."

"Of course I will. I just really hope that isn't something that needs to be done. I want you here doing it."

"Me too. I'm doing all I can." Finn promised.

Kurt jumped off the bed and walked to him, held his own face in his hands with utter worry, "Promise me you'll fight like hell."

Finn felt his heart sink further, his chest rise and fell with unsteady motions, "I'll fight. I wouldn't leave you guys willingly. I want to stick around, see your kids… see mine." Finn's voice was cracking, he couldn't continue.

"I'll do my part if need be, Finn. But I'm going to pray to every God I've ever heard of to make sure I don't have too."

Finn chuckled, "You don't believe in God."

"This happening to you isn't helping my belief." Kurt admitted, "But, I don't know what else to do."

Finn nodded, "I know what you mean, I've never felt so helpless." He admitted, rubbing his neck, his own nervous habit. "I love you, bro."

Kurt nodded, hugging him tightly, "I love you too." He squealed before pulling apart. They laughed, they both just laughed. Finn wasn't sure if it was nervous laughter or just for lack of knowing what to do or say. "I'll get your girl."

Finn brightened up when he said it and nodded.

Finn leaned his head back and closed his eyes, willing the strength for _somewhere_ to say Goodbye to his love. To his Rachel. To his wife.

He felt her running her soft hand over her cheek, "Hey baby."

Finn opened his eyes and smiled at Rachel, "Hey you."

Rachel bit her lip and sat on the bed with him, facing him, looking into his beautiful eyes, "This isn't goodbye." She threatened.

"I know." Finn said simply, "But, can we go over a few things, just in case?"

Rachel folded her arms and shook her stubborn head breaking eye contact with him, "No. Nope. Nuh-uh."

"Rach?"

"Don't Rach me, Finn Hudson. This isn't goodbye." Rachel was crying now.

Finn reached for her hand and pulled in to his heart, "Okay, we won't say goodbye. I'll just tell you everything else. "

Her eyes found his and she grumbled, "Like what?"

"Like, how you're the most beautiful person in the world? Inside and out. Like how _you_ are the person, the woman that means everything to me. So much so that everything I am doing, and have done is for you. You hear me?" Rachel nodded and let the tears slip from her eyes, "You feel that tether between us?" Rachel let a silent whimper fall out of her lips, "I feel it too. I don't want it to break, I will fight like hell to make sure it doesn't. That is a promise. You are my _soulmate_ you hear me? The peanut butter to my jelly."

"I want to be the jelly." Rachel teased almost silently.

Finn chuckled, "You can be the jelly. You're the sweet one, so it makes sense." He gave her his famous lope-sided grin. "I love you, I love William and I want to keep pursuing your dreams no matter what." Finn felt the hot tears return and his heart ache so hard that it was physically paining him, "Because you have the most beautiful and exquisite voice I have _ever_ heard."

"It goes perfectly with yours." Rachel whispered. "So don't you die on me." She cried out.

Finn pulled her head to his chest and felt her sob into his chest, her sobs died down and they separated just to reconnect with their lips, Rachel's lips where hard and needy on his and Finn pulled her close, gripping into her hair and he could taste salty tears making their way into their mouths as they kissed. Finally they detached and Finn leaned his forehead against Rachel's, "I love you."

"I love you." She sniffled, kissing him lightly again.

The parted and wiped their faces and looked at the door where Dr. Jackson and Carolynn were standing, "We're going to prep you now, son."

Rachel kissed the top of his beautiful head, and ran her fingers through his locks. "I'll miss this hair." She half cried, half giggled.

Finn scrunched up his nose and frowned, "It'll grow back, right doc?"

The doctor laughed, "It should. But I'm not promising anything."

Rachel sat rocking William in the waiting room.

Tense was the only way to describe it.

Rachel's phone rang, "Daddy?" She answered, "We're not sure yet."

"Yeah, he should be coming out within the hour."

"I'm not sure, Daddy."

"William has been fine."

"Tell Dad I love him."

"Of course, I love you too."

"I will, I will call you."

"Bye Daddy." She hung up the phone in what seemed like almost irritation.

"You know they are just as worried as you are, Rach." Kurt whispered, pulling William into his arms.

Rachel nodded, sadly, "I know, I'm insane. I just, I'm just, ugh, so irritable."

"You have zero reason to be." Blaine teased, "Don't worry, babe."

Everyone looked sideways at Blaine, he lifted up his hands in defeat, "I was just trying a new nick name, don't lynch me."

Rachel chuckled, "noted."

"Mrs. Hudson." Rachel and Carole both shot up and walked towards Dr. Jackson. He looked stern, was that protocol, or a bad thing. "He's out of surgery. It seems successful. We're just waiting for him to wake up."

Rachel let out a breath she was unaware she had been holding in. "Can we see him?"

"Of course." Dr. Jackson led them to his room.

Rachel and Carole were at either side of his bed in an instant, Rachel was kissing his newly bare head and crying a little, she couldn't help it. He was there, not awake, but alive.

After a couple of hours Carole, Burt, Kurt and Blaine decided to head back to their perspective places of sleep and left Rachel and William there.

"Call us as soon as he wakes up." Carole made Rachel promise, Rachel just nodded and hugged her mother-in-law.

Rachel set William down in a crib that Carolynn stole from maternity ward and Rachel sat next to Finn, watching him as he slept. He looked so peaceful.

Rachel laid her head down on his chest and before she knew it she was asleep.

She didn't wake for a couple hours, not until she felt a warm hand brush the bangs off her face. Her eyes shot open to meet Finn's. He was awake, and _smiling _at her.

He touched his throat, "Water?" He whispered and Rachel grinned, nodded furiously and kissed him before reaching to grab a water for him. He took a big gulp before returning his gaze to her. "I don't think I would feel this much pain in heaven." Finn joked. "So I guess I made it."

Rachel beamed at Finn, "You, my fantastic husband, are a fighter. And, you are going to get 'you almost died' sex for the rest of your life."

Finn choked out a chuckle, "God, I am lucky."

Finn stayed to get tests run and Rachel camped out there every single day. Carole and Burt eventually flew back to Lima to check on the shop and Rachel felt like she was in a fantasy. He had made it. How had he made it.

"Will you take him?" Finn asked on a Sunday afternoon, "My head is killing me." Finn groaned.

Rachel shot him a worried glance, while she took William from his arms, "It's been almost a week since the surgery, I didn't think these headaches would still be occurring. Should I call a nurse?"

Finn shook his head, "Well, it's weird. It starts hurting right here." He held his chest, "And then travels to my temples."

Rachel was more worried than ever, "I'm calling the nurse." She nodded, walking out to the hall looking for Carolynn. She walked down the corridor looking in each room. She frowned and went to turn back and noticed someone yelling 'crash cart' and running past her.

A group of nurses ran into her room, Finn's room. Her heart beat a little faster, no, a lot faster. She ran into the room behind him. "Clear."

All of the nurses lifted up their hands one man put two paddles on his now bare chest and pressed a button making his chest seize upwards.

There was a line, a line on his heart monitor. There was also a sounded, not a beeping like she normally heart, a long drowning sound.

Finn had flat lined.

"Push two of eppy."

"Clear."

William was crying, hell, she was crying. She was crying and screaming. She heard screaming at least. Was it hers. Someone was trying to escort her out, someone was trying to make her leave.

"No!" Rachel screamed, "He's mine. He's mine. Save him. Please. He's… _everything_." She screamed, but no one would listen. No one would hear her.

It was just her being pushed out of the room, looking at Finn's lifeless body holding William in her arms.

William, what he left behind.

No! No no no no no! _No._

She was flailing and crying and screaming, she didn't want William to be what he left behind. She didn't want her to be what he left behind. She wanted him to her _their _son. She wanted to be Finn's _wife_. Not his widow.

She fell to the floor, William still securely in her arms, crying harder than before. She feared he wouldn't ever _stop _crying.

She thought that _she herself_ might never stop crying either.

* * *

><p><strong>Please don't kill me. It's not over. I'll post the next Chapter soon. I swear to Glee and RIB, I will. Review. beat me up. just don't come find and shank me. Thaaaaanks.<strong>


	12. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Rachel wrapped a towel around her wet body and wiped the mirror free of condensation to look at herself. She opened the door to listen for William. She heard the little pitter patter of his feet running across the wood flooring.

"William Christopher Hudson." She called, she had asked him to stay in his room while she got showered.

She turned the corner to see him digging through a box in the office, "William. That is Daddy's. You know that." She scolded the five year old. He gave her his best dimpled smile that reminded her _so _much of Finn. She grinned at him.

"This one says my name, Mommy." William grinned and held up an envelope. "Can you read it to me?"

Rachel shook her head, "Maybe when you're older." She promised, grabbing the envelope holding it to her chest. "No go back to your room, you're going to wake the whole house up."

William frowned, "Why does it have my name on it?"

"Because Daddy wrote it for you."

"Why?"

Rachel let out a sigh and picked the boy up, "I'm taking you to your room."

"You're being a mean Mommy." William frowned at her.

Rachel kissed her cheek, "Remember when we told you that Daddy was in the hospital?"

"Yeah, so?" William retorted in his snotty tone. Rachel internally groaned, he had way too much of her in him.

"So, he wrote this for you in there, and it might be a little sad. I don't want to make you sad." She admitted to William and put him down, "Now play quietly, try not to wake up your grandparents."

Rachel closed his door and leaned up against it, holding the letter to his chest.

* * *

><p>Kurt and Blaine were bickering in the kitchen over what to put in the dressing. "I don't know why you insist on putting chives in it."<p>

"What is wrong with chives?" Kurt spit back.

Rachel chuckled as Blaine glared back at Kurt, "Everything. Everything is wrong with chives. I want a traditional thanksgiving flavor."

"It's chives, it won't change that much."

"Until you add cumin or ginger or something strange." Blaine said quickly. "No chives."

Kurt threw up his hands, "You are impossible."

William ran into the room with a little girl behind him. Kurt intercepted his daughter, "You're going to get your pretty dress dirty." He said to the little Asian three year old in the frilly pink dress.

"I don't cawe, Daddy." She smiled and toothy grin and Rachel giggled.

"She just wants to play with her cousin. Do you have any sweats for her the wear while we're cooking?" Rachel asked pulling her into her arms.

"Fanks Aunty Rachy."

Kurt rolled his eyes and started rumaging through his bag.

Burt walked in with a beer in hand, "Where are those little ones? We were watching the parade and suddenly I'm watching it alone."

"Just turn it to the football games, Dad." Kurt laughs, "They won't bother you for a while. Where's Carole?"

"She and Finn are choosing a wine." Burt told them and Rachel set the little girl down.

"Elle, go have your Daddy get you changed." She patted her bum and walked into the den seeing her husband looking at two bottles of wine in confusion.

Rachel giggled and put her arms around his back, "Let's do red with dinner." She grinned at him and Carole nodded. "See, I know what I'm talking about. When did you get up?" She directed at Finn and he turned around in her arms and kissed her lightly.

"I just got finished getting ready. Happy Thanksgiving." Finn whispered.

"I'm thankful for you." Rachel grinned and Finn nodded.

"I am more thankful for you." Finn whispered, kissing her cheeks and pulling her into a hug and a memory washed over her.

"_I think we lost him." Rachel heard and her heart caught from her place on the floor. _

_Dr. Jackson ran past her and into the room, "Don't you dare call time of death." He yelled and slammed the door behind him, "Try again." He screamed._

_Rachel stood, her heart in her stomach, her tears drying, she looked through the window and watched them try to revive him again. "You heard me, I said keep trying dammit." Dr. Jackson yelled and she made a soothing noise to try to quite the crying baby in her arms. _

_It didn't seem to be working, and Dr. Jackson motioned that everyone back away from Finn's body as he pulls his clenched fist up, almost as if he's going to punch him. His fist come barreling down to the center of Finn's chest and she sees the monitor start working again. It's not a straight line any longer, it has spike. Rachel lets out a sigh of relief and feels her tense arms calm as William begins to calm down as well. _

"_Finn…" She whispers and touches the glass. _

_She sees Finn's chest rise and fall on its' own and she breathes again. She knew in that moment that she needed him more then she wanted to. But she did. He was her everything. _

"William found that letter."

"What letter?" Finn furrowed his brow.

"The one you wrote him while you were in the hospital."

Finn rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "You know about that?"

"I kinda read it." Rachel admitted.

Finn feigned shock, "Rachel Berry Hudson! When?"

_Rachel kissed Finn's forehead as he slept on the couch. They had been home a week now and all he did was sleep, not that she minded. At least he was alive. _

_She grabbed the box of papers to take into the office, life insurance policies that Rachel prayed they would never need. At least not until William had kids of his own and Rachel and Finn were 90 or so. _

_Something caught her eye. A blue envelope that offset all the manila. _

_**William Christopher**_

_Rachel shouldn't open it. She shouldn't. It was right. She thought all of that as she ripped it open immediately. _

_**Will, **_

_**Hey buddy. I am writing this is the case that I don't make it through this. I want you to know how much I love you. You weren't planned, I'm sure your Mom has told you that. But, I am so glad you're here. You are the perfect blend of your Mom and me. **_

_**Do you know how much I love you? When I get sad about my situation, I just think of you. I think about what an awesome little dude you're going to turn out to be. You'll probably join a glee club and maybe play football or hockey or maybe play an instrument. Maybe you can get your Uncle Blaine to teach you how to play the guitar. Or you can use my drum kit that's in storage.**_

_**Also, make sure you listen to your Uncle Kurt and Mom about musicals. I know they are lame and stuff, but they have okay music and an okay story line in it sometimes and they love them. **_

_**Make sure you eat your grandma Carole's cooking and fake a smile if you've got to. She's really sensitive about her cooking. Have Grandpa Burt teach you how to change your oil and change a tire as soon as you're big enough and make sure your Mom never drives you around. She's a terrible driver. Don't tell her I told you that. **_

_**Also, your Granddad and Papa Berry are awesome dudes. They can teach you anything you need to know about business, so make sure you talk to them about college. **_

_**Just so you know, a girl cannot get pregnant from a hot tub, don't let anyone tell you differently. **_

_**Guys are jerks, don't let them get to you. If someone makes fun of your height of your body structure or your girlfriends' nose, just remember to be the bigger guy and walk away. Don't punch someone just because they say something you don't like. But, if they say something about your Mom you have my full authority to kick their ass. **_

_**Wow, this is getting long and your Mom is going to be back from talking to the doctor soon so I should probably wrap this letter up. Just know I love you. You are the best thing I've ever done. The best thing I've ever made. **_

_**Also, your Mom is a goddess, but she isn't flawless. Don't get mad at her when she gets all **__**chick batty**__** intense, just talk to her calmly, give her a big hug and kiss her forehead and once she's calmed down tell her how much you love her. She'll feel better. **_

_**Love you, **_

_**Finn **__**Dad. **_

_**P.S. If your Mom starts dating Noah Puckerman, you have my blessing to kick his ass to next Tuesday.**_

_**P.P.S. If you're torn between two women, always pick the second. Because if you loved the first enough you wouldn't have noticed the second. Does that make sense? Some dude who plays a pirate said that and it's really true. It's how I found your Mom.**_

_Rachel was laughing and crying throughout the whole letter. She couldn't help but giggle at the P.S. _

_He was so Finn. The whole letter. She put it back into the envelope and buried it at the bottom of the box. She couldn't wait to share that with William when he was older. _

Finn laughed a little, "You're _so _nosey."

Rachel hit his arm a little, "If I wasn't nosey I wouldn't have found your ass and you wouldn't be standing here with me."

"Thankful for that." Finn chuckled, "I'm thankful for your nosey nature."

"I'm thankful for you being alive." Rachel shot back before leaning up to kiss him softly. "I love you."

"I love you too." Finn grinned like the lucky bastard that he is.


End file.
